I've changed my name so often, I've lost my wife and children.

I have been thinking lately and I have come to the conclusion that when I get home, for a time, I will wander the land. I figure that I will pack some clothes and some other necessities in a backpack and walk around Nashville. Hopefully bumping into people I love along the way. I will sleep where kind souls take me in or where I decide to lay my head. I am pretty excited about it.

It takes two when it used to take one.

I had a very interesting easter weekend in Pretoria, I got to see an old friend, share a cabin with an interesting new friend and risk my life twice on the N1.

I got up on Friday, packed a couple days clothes in a backpack, got on my scooter, took my life in my hands and drove 40kms on a road no scooter belongs. The N1. The N1 is basically the big highway that runs from Johannesburg to Pretoria. The average speed limit is about 100 kph. My scooter tops at 75. The whole adventure was made even more shit-yourself-scary by the asshole South African drivers. They play this fun game called "Almost Kill The Guy On The Scooter". These are the rules:

I'm "it", so my ass is in the slow lane going slow and basically all the players drive past as fast as they can, half-way in my lane, as close as they can. the goal is to get as close as you can without actually killing the guy on the scooter. "Almost Kill The Guy On The Scooter" is not a fun game to play when you have to be The Guy On The Scooter.

So I survive the game and arrive in Pretoria where I am meeting up with an old friend that happens to be in South Africa with me. It was so cool seeing a fellow Nashvillian so far from home. It made me feel alright. Basically we spent the weekend doing nothing but walking around a big mall and shopping. It was comfortably boring (in a good way).

The place that I stayed for two nights is called a Backpackers. They have them all over down here. Basically you pay 100 rand a night ($13 basically) and you get a bed in a cabin, electricity, a bathroom with a shower you can use, and breakfast in the morning. its badass. The one thing is that you are commonly put in a room with a complete stranger. Luckly for me, I got the coolest roommate ever. His name was Ielsa and he was from Martinique, its a Caribbean Island that is technically part of France. He is an Acrobat, a Magician, and a Theater Actor in the French Circus. He got the offer to come to South Africa to get the SA Circus in shape for the World Cup. He is learning English from a small English to French dictionary he calls his "Bible" and at night he reads a 6th grade reading book called "Reading is an Adventure" from 1968. He is a pretty sweet dude, he showed me some magic tricks and told me some pretty sweet stories from the French Circus.

all in all it was a badass weekend. I even survived the return home round of "Almost Kill The Guy On The Scooter".

This is where I live.

last night...

Last night I had the stupidest idea that has ever popped into my head. I figured I was going to see how much I can drink till I loose it. I am talking about drinking till I puke.

So i did. it was terrible.

Now I am sitting here, regretting my dumb ass and realizing how utterly shitty I feel. I just smoked a cigarette, that was stupid decision number 2. Now I am seeing spots and my head is spinning. The only thing I want in this whole entire world is Vitamin Water and it dosnt exist down here.

I am an idiot.

Senorita

I got the girl skull done, well, kinda. I don't want her to have the razor blades, I am thinking more of having her weapon of choice being a pair of pistolas. I just put the razors there temporarily till I can draw some sweet guns.

New Tattoo

I have lots of free time here, so I am working on Guy and Girl Mexican Skull tattoos. They have a little bit of rockabilly flavor added. as you can tell by Dudes sweet Pompadour. Whaddayathink?

YouTube

Yesterday the weather was total shit so I was trapped indoors. I found myself wandering around youtube, watching videos to pass the time.

Between the creepy video blogs and skater kids neutering themselves trying to grind rails I stumbled upon a collection of do-it-yourself videos. People showing the world the best way to do things. I watched one of these tutorial videos of a guy from England who had a spastic right side. He was demonstrating to the world how to roll a cigarette with one hand. While I was watching this video some things occurred to me.

What is it about human nature that deep down desires to help other people? Here was a guy with only one functioning hand showing other people with similar disabilities how to take care of themselves in a small way. And then that made me think of something else. A one handed guy rolling his own cigarettes? It seems so unnecessary, you only got one hand, if you want to smoke, buy a pack of cigarettes, why frustrate yourself rolling your own? Again, human nature. Here is a guy that isn't going to let something as huge as only having one working hand discourage himself from doing something as small as rolling a cigarette. Humans will always adapt, they will always try to do the things that are hard or impossible no matter what their circumstances. Its really amazing when you think about it.

fail

haaaaa!

nothingmaster

I stopped buying packs of cigarettes. I have decided that if I am going to smoke, I have to roll my own. Its a bit of an effort towards quitting. If I have a pack of 20 Class A cigarettes in my pocket, I am going to smoke them like it was a race. but if I have to get out tobacco and papers and roll every damn cigarette I want to smoke, I will smoke less. That's how its supposed to work in theory. In practice, I am really good at rolling cigarettes, I think I still smoke the same amount. Oh well.

The good thing is that I have become to appreciate the art of rolling cigarettes. There is a nostalgic American feel to it, makes you feel a bit like a cowboy or maybe a little bit like James Dean. Also, they taste so much better. I don't think I will ever go back to buying packs again.

In non smoking news, I am looking into being home sooner than I had expected. We'll see what happens.

I hope you are well.

how does it make you feel?

I woke up this morning and something felt different.

I feel like my life is about to get really interesting. Its already strange enough being a Nashvillian in South Africa, the cultural differences are staggering. But I don't think that being here has anything to do with it. I think things are going to be different in a way I cant really put my finger on. I don't know, the only way I can explain it that makes sense is that I feel like a real life grown-up.

I don't know how long I will be here in Johannesburg, I am having a great time, but its hard to be away from those that I love. I guess it takes some time away from the people that you care about and count on for you to realize how much you really value them. Nashville is home for me, I doubt that will ever change. Its where my family lives and some dear friends that are as good as family. Its hard to be away from them for very long.

Its going to be interesting because I am realizing that I am going to be away from the people I love a lot throughout my life. I have chosen too pursue a career that involves a lot of travel, a lot of time away from home. I am excited about it but at the same time I am very apprehensive. I think that my reservations are based in a fear of being alone. I have become well acquainted with what it means to be alone during my time here in Africa. An ocean and a 8 hour time difference from friends and family and anything familiar will make you feel about alone as the man on the moon.

Its been good for me though. When I was back home, surrounded by friends and fun things to do, I hardly ever took the time to work on things I needed to work on. It was pretty much a never ending hang that went from one night to the next. I will always look back on those days as the glory days of fuck-up youth, but I don't think it will ever be like Summer '06 again. Which is good, I have come to realize the importance of balance. Don't get me wrong, first thing I do when I get home is gather all the people I love around me and proceed to have the most insane drunken dance party Nashville has ever seen. But the next day, after drowning my hangover in coffee and aspirin, I am going to get to work. I am looking forward to it, things have changed for the best. I feel good about it.

I miss home, I love my friends, I am looking forward to seeing them soon.